Love, Forgiveness and Quantum Entanglement, OHHH MY!

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Finding a Way to Fit

When there's a drug addict in the family, whether it is a child or parent, everyone suffers. Often the addiction is so crippling that family members suffer as much as the addict from its effects. Support groups are provided for addicts in recovery; so too are there support groups for their family members.

http://www.projectknow.com/addiction-recovery/drug-addicts-family-support-groups.html

Addiction is an obsession in that the addict's entire life becomes focused on getting more of the drug. In the same way, family members of the addict become obsessed with the addict: Will he come home tonight? Will he get violent? Will he go into work? Will he lose his job? Will we lose the house?

Family members tend to adapt their personas in an attempt to handle the dysfunction that the addict has created. The caretaker or enabler, for example, makes it possible for the addict to keep functioning in addiction. He may give the addict money, provide a home and food, bail the addict out of jail and in general provide a safety that the addict can depend on no matter how violent, irresponsible or hurtful the behavior.

The caretaker role is just one example. Others include the hero, who makes sure that everything appears to be fine to outsiders, the jester who tries to make light of the situation, the ghost who never comments or makes his needs known. Family members of addicts become so focused on the addict's problems that they often lose themselves along the way.

A Quote

"We were not hoping for happiness – And yet we were not prepared for unhappiness."

Degradation

Even in the degradation and abject misery of a concentration camp, Frankl was able to exercise the most important freedom of all - the freedom to determine one's own attitude and spiritual well-being. No sadistic Nazi SS guard was able to take that away from him or control the inner-life of Frankl's soul. One of the ways he found the strength to ... Read Morefight to stay alive and not lose hope was to think of his wife. Frankl clearly saw that it was those who had nothing to live for who died quickest in the concentration camp.

On Contempt

"Contempt is closely related to disgust, and what disgust and contempt are about is completely rejecting and excluding someone from the community. The big gender difference with negative emotions is that women are more critical, and men are more likely to stonewall. We find that women start talking about a problem, the men get irritated and turn away, and the women get more critical, and it becomes a circle. But there isn't any gender difference when it comes to contempt. Not at all." Contempt is special. If you can measure contempt, then all of a sudden you don't need to know every detail of [a person's life].

James McBride

Family love is like the wind: instinctive, raw, fragile, beautiful, at times angry, but always unstoppable. it is our collective breath. It is the world's greatest force....It is our last miracle. James McBride